I’ve been pushing back lately on the notion that certain things are too taboo to talk about at work. No one wants to be the one on the team always bringing up “women’s” issues. However, if we see, feel, experience, know that there are issues in our workplaces that impact women more than men, but have the perception that we can’t talk about them — how do we even begin to make positive changes?
Case in point, a ruckus ensues when attention is brought to issues which are important to working women. Where is all of this controversy coming from? And how else does one explain the deafening hubbub that followed the publication of Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In? For weeks, it was all anyone, at least in my circle, seemed to be talking about -- the maddening all or nothing choice women feel forced to make between a successful career or being present for your family. It’s been 3 years since the book came out and the takeaway that’s stuck with me can be summed up in five words: Dream bigger and work harder.
Lean In came out in the wake of another noisey think piece, “Why Women Still Can’t Have it All” by Anne-Marie Slaughter. Slaughter encourages women to think critically about the myths and half-truths around what it takes to be a successful working mother. She argues it’s not realistic or fair to tell young women they can have it all if you can find the right partner, time it right, or simply keep your eyes on the prize.
In Slaughter’s view something has to give. And, until we change the societal norms and policies that reinforce “good” parenthood as the be all end all goal for women, but not for men, women will always be at a disadvantage.
“If women are ever to achieve real equality as leaders, then we have to stop accepting male behavior and male choices as the default and the ideal.” - Anne-Marie Slaughter
It isn’t right for women to need to be forever bending and adapting to systems that serve the needs and preferences of men. The men can do some changing too. As women, we have to insist on it.
As a first step, that means rejecting the norm that talking about workplace issues that impact our success should be taboo. What I’ve found more helpful in my career isn’t so much the reminder to lean in, it’s been remembering to speak up.